When I feel most lost, homesick, defeated, hopeless, I want to write. Like it's a lifeline. Like it's survival.

I'm not a great writer; not even a good one. But the sense that writing is a primary purpose and need, hardwired into who I am on the most basic level, is one I am never able to shake.

It is one of the few things I can turn to when facing a decision I don't feel I can make, or a challenge too overwhelming to even think about tackling. I don't know if it helps, but I guess for a moment I am in control of something. Even if it's just rambling, pointless words on a screen.

Sometimes I think my whole focus for my life has been incorrect...my dreams and goals not what I'm meant to do; even my realistic choices made all wrong. I feel as though I'm turned inside-out, and so utterly tangled, I don't even know if there's any point in attempting to make sense of the chaos or unravel the confusion.